Looks like hes trying to get the taste out of his mouth. So when Bill gets finished, he comes down and does a set with us and when we get done with our shows, Bill and Jeff wanna go drinking and gambling, and I want to go to a prayer meeting and a poetry reading that Id heard about. I was 12. It seemed like they would give you a sack or something. Get married, dont get married. For Whites part, he revisits a story he once told on SiriusXM a few years ago during the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival, which is about the week he opened for another comedian at the Punchline in Sacramento. And word of that spreads throughout the criminal community. Im in the road! Does a Z-pattern to get across. When my dog gets out of the yard, gets in the street, hes like, Oh fuck! If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up opens with soundbites from White's previous specials, then we see him onstage, in a crisp suit, revealing to his fans how fame and . Even when he forgets a line he's funny, he's never panicking, on the contrary he'll make it even funnier. And I double snotted my own fucking television. Youd think you can tell a mans mouth from a womans mouth, but you cannot. Its not like if I told youthe story without saying that, youd have gone, That was very short and happened a long time ago. Viagra. If it would have been a handjob, Id have been going, Hey, youre a plumber, dude, get that claw off my fucking pecker.. Thats all. All rights reserved. His answers are crass. Moxy and her colorful friends leave Uglyville on a quest to find a kid to love. Shes gonna overinflate him. And I would never go spend the night at anybodys house, cause I knew Id wet the bed and theyd find out I was a bed-wetter, and so far nobody really knew but my mom and my dad, and it was just my biggest secret. 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Bain de Soleil sunless tanning lotion for dark skin only, and apparently I was getting down, cause it was on my nipples and the inside of my thigh. And so, White closes by turning back time to talk about a weekend in December 1996, when White opened for Foxworthy in Las Vegas at the MGM Grand, while Engvall opened for Reba McEntire down the strip at Caesars Palace. [whispering] Did you? Do you think I fucking heard it? Im like, Im through it. And if youre looking for a bicycle, its a great deal. Whats she doing to Wilson? If you can beat me at darts, you can take me to fucking jail, how about that? Im not gonna do it. Im going to do it, cause Im surprised they know it, but I support the Montreal Comedy Festival, and if you ever have a chance to go to Montreal in the summer to go to the festival, its the coolest fucking thing there is. Maybe one day well be the big comics in Vegas, and our names will be on those big fucking signs. lindsey? Squirrels. And every year SiriusXM does a live broadcast from there. Literally, people come from all over the world to buy stuff for their shops, and my wife said, My friends having a shower. Heres another fair test: darts. But I know if I wake her up trying to have sex with her, shell hit me in the face with a bucket of nickels I just spotted on the nightstand. Thanks a lot. Its a dating website and I actually saw another dating website that made me think of mine. I just think Chris Hemsworths the best-looking motherfucker. Thats his deal. Yeah! You gotta kill the duck to get the duck meat. I think if it didnt keep my wife awake, I wouldnt know I had it. No. Somebodys gotta drive. Dont wake White up just yet. Well, which one is it? Baby goose pussy lips makes wagyu beef taste like boo boot leather. Sure, Larry the Cable Guy is the definitive character act in the group headed by Jeff Foxworthy with Bill Engvall. So unhappy, theyre willing to bleach it until it becomes a more desirable color. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. One anything has the potential to become a DUI checkpoint if you crash your car into it. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Powered by Reelgood Since the Blue Collar Comedy Tour first started in 2000, Texas native Ron White has always stood apart from. Were just gonna have lunch. And I still eat tacos, but now I only eat the baby duck pussy lip tacos that you get at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills on Sunday. All right, yall shut up. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. After a weird couple of years, John Mulaney comes out swinging in his return to the stage. Now, when I have seven eighths of a gram of marijuana, I consider myself to be out of marijuana. Thats what kind of person I am right there, 12 years old. Young Queen Charlotte's marriage to King George of England sparks an epic love story and transforms high society in this "Bridgerton" universe prequel. RT25: Celebrating 25 years of Rotten Tomatoes. More for how they dont have to deal with marriage. Bring it into the shop. I dont give a shit. the Terms and Policies, and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. And I was like, Goddamn, Ray! He said, Well, shes had three kids. Im like, What, for lunch? And traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. [mooing] We have a chocolate waterfall and a cotton candy machine. The way they cross the street right in front of fucking cars with that weird-ass confidence. While TVs sitcom rednecks encountered cute culture clashes with their posh new neighbors, White regales us with how he has come to respect and almost admire the gay men in the West Hollywood bars near his home. Watch Ron White: If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up on Netflix, This story has been shared 41,150 times. You should have the person help you move all the shit out and then shoot him. Those were dudes? That guy cant drive my fucking car. I got attacked by a goose when I was a kid. Thats all they sell. 5,838, This story has been shared 5,093 times. Reunited as adults, two childhood friends fall madly in love and won't let anything not even death tear them apart, in this supernatural love story. 20,592, This story has been shared 13,103 times. Im on the back porch of the church, eating my little sandwich, six years old, drinking my Kool-Aid. Im the reluctant watchdog. Thats why. It was about three years ago, and there were six comics in an open forum, telling stories, and this is the story that I told. Verified reviews are considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers. Its still the number one-selling comedy album of all time, and, uh Jeff had been my friend for ten years, and suddenly, kaboom, hes the biggest comedian in the world. Um, Im from a very, very small dusty town in northwest Texas, and I grew up in this little bitty house that was built by my father and my grandfather the year I was born, 1956. We have an all-access pass to Las Vegas, which is way better than the no-access pass we had right before that. Whats the record? And, uh this is a story my mother told me I should do on stage. You know, the fame and fortune and all that? And I said, I dont think so, but I kept thinking about it, and I realized its changed me in two ways. Maybe a salad and a sandwich. What? Ron, wake up. [inaudible] I want to start off this evening by telling you something about me you may not know. This is, uh This is brilliant. Not plump girls, not fat girls. Jeff? Oh, you can see it in their eyehole. You look like you just ate a ghost pepper. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Or didnt use to, anyhow. Radical terrorist Canadian geese! Starring:Ron White Watch all you want. [cheering and applause] When Jeff got big enough to take somebody with him, he took me with him, which was an amazingly gracious thing for Jeff to do for me. This befuddled me. 4,772, This story has been shared 3,426 times. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I know theyre perfectly content to live the way they do. Your Ticket Confirmation # is located under the header in your email that reads "Your Ticket Reservation Details". And I think thats why they marry so many of them. Cause were scared to fucking death of geese. Now the reason I know this term is, I have lesbian friends too. Television?. I I got nowhere to be. I dont know if you know. Thats all you get. This is what this DJ says to me: Ron Every time a celebrity calls our station, we always ask the same question: If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be? And I said Living. And he tried to explain it to me. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up subtitles | 27 subtitles What Time Does 'Yellowjackets' Season 2, Episode 6 Air On Showtime? They all look like fucking tents. And the punchline of that story is, I come back to the States, when I get back to the States, my assistant goes, Ron, did you hear that John Mayhew died? And Im like, John Mayhew Why do I know that name? Its your ex-wifes divorce lawyer. [laughing quietly] Oh, I hated that motherfucker. 'Citadel' Episode Guide: When Do New Episodes Premiere on Prime Video? Cause I dont care if shes a little salty. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up subtitles. Cause usually if a woman is that beautiful at 40 and never been married, either they give horrible head or theyre completely insane. Dont drink and drive. I know this. A young man's trip to attend a funeral and a wedding on the same day leads to a journey of self-discovery when he's captivated by a chance encounter. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Big old round uns, big old muumuu and 400-plus, great big old big uns. Nonbinary 'Yellowjackets' Star Liv Hewson Is Sitting out of Emmy Season Over Gendered Categories, 'Yellowjackets' Season 2 Episode 5 Recap: Digging the Antler Queen, Drew Barrymore Admits She's "Not Sure" She's "Drawn to the Manscaper" on 'The Drew Barrymore Show': "I Love Funk", Drew Barrymore Opens up About Up Close and Personal Interview Style: "I Feel This Magnetic Pull", Why Isn't 'The Drew Barrymore Show' on Today?
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